Discovering the fun of parenting

Parenting can be very challenging. Sometimes I think it is much easy if I can just baby sit my kids instead of parenting them. Watching over them to make sure they are safe, well feed and grow is easy but for us parents it’s more than that God entrusts us to do for our children.

Esrene is into her tantrum throwing stage now – the miserable 3! She wants her way, wants her say. A “no” from us most of the time will make her have her melt down moment. It’s quite challenging and tiring for us to deal with her.

Lately we were introduced by a close friend to the parenting video and book by Danny Silk called “Loving your kids on purpose”. It is a totally different approach from what we always hear, know or learn all these while. It is rather an interesting concept based on the relationship with the kids and the free choice rather than controlling. So we thought it’s not bad to try on the approach.

One day while Esrene was playing with our friend’s daughter in our house and having cheese as snack, she had her melt down moment again just because she accidently tear off the piece of cheese she was about to eat. She said it is torn, refused to eat that and want a new one! We told her it is ok to eat the torn cheese and it will still taste as yummy as the complete piece but no she started to throw her tantrum, crying and screaming her head off. After a few attempts to talk to her, daddy was frustrated and brought her into her room for time out. Yet she didn’t give up, screamed and cried in her room. So I decided to try on Danny Silk’s approach. I walked into her room, trying to remain calm and put up a smile at the same time. Then I squad down and told her “Hey darling, crying and whining is no fun at all. Everyone is having fun outside. When you think you are fun enough to play outside, you can come out and join us. If not it is ok for Esrene to stay in the room”. After I gave her a pet at her head, I walked out. Less than 1 minute, she stopped all her crying and whining, walked out getting ready to play again. I reminded me “Hey Esrene, remember, be fun ok?”. She nodded. Phew!! What a relieve!!! Finally I manage to make my melt down girl to stop her tantrum throwing without much effort and anger involved! But I thought I could have tried the approached when she started to fuss about her cheese…anyway it’s a good start.

 

My 2nd attempt on the approach:

One night, Esrene was playing up refused to brush her teeth before going to bed. I approached her with the smile and ask her calmly “Esrene, do you know what will happen if we do not brush our teeth?”. She looked at me with a puzzled look. I continued “Without brushing, our teeth will drop off one by one, and at the end we have no more teeth to eat anything. We can’t eat lollies, can’t eat chippy, can’t eat cakes, nothing we can eat except drinking milk like a baby!”. Then I walked off to do my thing.

After 5-10min, I walked back to Esrene and asked calmly “So Esrene, have you decide whether you want your teeth or no teeth?”.

She shouted “I want my teeth!!!”.

Then I asked “What do you think you should do if you want to keep your teeth?”.

This time she said excitedly “Esrene wana go brush teeth now mummy!!” and off to the bathroom she went to get the toothbrush for me to help her brushing her teeth.

I have to admit, that’s the most joyful moment in my whole parenting all these while!!!! I managed to not only guide my tantrum throwing daughter to make a correct choice herself happily without having to raise my voice, cause any crying or tears from her side, but I also manage to teach her a short lesson of the reason we want to brush teeth It’s a sense of victory to me! Suddenly I see the fun of parenting!!!! I am glad I am able to start applying what I’ve learned and praying that God will give me more creative ideas to parenting my child in a peaceful way without having to lose my temper and raise my voice.

XO,

Mummy Siu